The Fourth Annual Thug Awards (aka the HoTties)

Four years. I have been blogging longer than anybody on the damn planet. Somebody please pay me.

Anyway, let's get right to it:

Jerry Sloan Award: Jerry Sloan
Runner-up: Isiah Thomas



Last year, it was kind of a stretch to give it to him. But this go-round, his team is right up there near the top out West. Even more notably, Sloan has changed with the times. The NBA has gone small and wacky, so Jerry is running his boys like they're on truck-stop meth and he's rolling with a dude from West Virginia with a backyard tattoo on his arm and a frontcourt littered with fauxhawked Euros.



Plus, he just won his 1000th game. And he's the longest-tenured coach in American pro sports. Good stuff, Sloan. Good stuff.

Team of the Year: New York Knicks
Runner-up: Cincinnati "8 out of 53 Players Have Been Arrested This Year" Bengals



You really can't ask for more from a team. I hope and pray someone is writing a book or filming these dudes. I have never been more fascinated with any group of people, I don't think. I mean, Isiah Thomas should probably be in jail and he's being allowed to run one of the most popular and recognizable organizations in the world of pro sports. What kind of world are we living in that allows this? David Stern must be getting high because if he really wanted to he could have Zeke, Dolan and Marbury demoted to the Slovakian league or some shit and nobody would even complain. Even the Player's Union would just kind of shrug it off. As I said in my season previews, I can't offer any speculations on what may happen to this franchise. I only know it will be spectacular. Thanks for the memories, 'bockers!

Baller of the Year: Kobe Bryant
Runner-up: LeBron James



I know he's not in the headlines like he once was, but let's not forget that this year began with the baller formerly known as KB8 dropping 81 on the hapless Raptors. He also had the highest scoring average since Jordan at over 35 per, he nearly willed his overachieving squad to the Western Conference Finals and this year he's got them comfortably in playoff position, while working himself back into shape. Yes, there was that perplexing half against Phoenix when he appeared to ease off of his Mamba steez, but if Phil can forgive him, I'm sure the rest of us can too, right?



Until LeBron stops biting his fingernails and taking nights off, Kobe's the best basketball player in the universe.

On to the Hip-Hop Awards:

Line of the Year: "Ya’ll respect the one who got shot, I respect the shooter" - Jay-Z
Runner-up: "And I'm sorry to the fans but them crackers weren't playing fair -- Jive" - Pusha T


Jigga didn't even try to rhyme this line. He just goes right out and says, "50-Cent's a snitch and snitches deserve to get shot." On a Dre track, no less.

Verse of the Year (tie): Lil' Wayne's verse on "Hollywood Divorce"/Andre 3000's verse on the "Walk it Out" remix


Through the haze of one of the most drug-addledly prolific years in hip-hop history (not to mention the most disappointing album of the year), Wayne pauses and takes a look at what's really going on in his life and this world. And it's so fucking sad that he nearly divorces Baby right there in front of us. Andre's verse is the flip-side to that, in a wacky Southern hip-hop way. Still, the one of the best rappers in the game, he's teasing us with this. He doesn't think we're ready for the angry Dre to tell us what's really on his mind for an hours-worth of music and he's probably right. So he just sabotages some asshole's club record and and plays an undertaker in a major studio Prohibition-era musical. Sounds about right.

Song/Video of the Year: "We Fly High" - Jim Jones
Runner-up: "Mr. Me Too" - Clipse


You may not like it, I may not like it, but my gut is telling me that this is the Song of the Year. And it really doesn't have that much to do with Jim Jones, even. This track was just ubiquitous. It was originally released in the spring, I think, and its profile just kept growing and growing. First it was the summer anthem of the NYC. Then it was the foundation for Jay-Z's first dis track in years. Then it was remade into a Jay-Z dis track. Then this video was put out and everyone went nuts for it all over again. I'm not condoning this type of thing, but they really are playing with an absolutely amazing amount of money in that clip. I urge you to check it out. Jim Jones will be shouting "BALLLLIIIIIIINNNNNNN!!!" for the next three decades. This song is an industry unto itself. (note: I'd love to put "Black Republican" up there, but I get the feeling that Nas, himself, doesn't even like the track. No video?)

Album of the Year: Clipse - Hell Hath No Fury
Runner-up (tie): Lil' Wayne and DJ Drama - Dedication 2/Ghostface Killah - Fishscale


Finally. An album with one sound, one artistic vision, one producer and absolutely no filler. It was almost worth the wait. Pusha T and Malice have Pharrell at their disposal and don't even try to put any hits on this record. The only "club" song on it disses their record company and sounds like a factory conveyor belt. The only other music I can really compare this to is the deep, dark, paranoid drum n' bass coming out of the U.K. in the mid to late 90s. Its hardcore shit, but there are sounds layered above the chaos and frenetic drumbeats that make it strangely beautiful. Tracks like "Ride Around Shinin'," "Keys Open Doors" and "New World" are probably what Nas had in mind when he thought up "Hip-Hop is Dead." This music embodies a different spirit, altogether. It's not party music, socially conscious or even boastful in the least. It's music to listen to while you wait for the apocalypse.

Producer of the Year: Pharrell
Runner-up: Timbaland


In a down year for producers, homeboy put out two albums that each sounded like nothing else out there. Sadly, though, he may just be too weird for the current hip-hop establishment. He's Slick Rick without the jail sentence, so his "I'm the shit" moments are written off as flamboyant and excessive. Still, though, his influence is felt everywhere. He basically invented Snap music four years ago and now no-talent assclowns by the dozens are making their name off of it. Meanwhile, Skateboard P isn't even worrying about cashing in on his trend. He's hopping off planes with Puff, laughing. He's years ahead of 98% of the current hip-hop beatmakers out there. Too bad that the current cutthroat, disposable marketplace won't ever be able to catch up to "In My Mind." There are some true heatrocks on there.

Rapper of the Year: Lil' Wayne
Runner-up: Ghostface


Weezy had the best year of any rapper since Jay-Z in 2003. And he might have even blown Hov out of the water. Wayne starts off the year with the extremely listenable Carter 2. Puts out two incredible mixtapes, Dedication 2 and Lil Weezyana. Gets arrested for weed and pills. Drops guest-verses all over the damn place. Releases Like Father, Like Son seemingly out of thin air. Drops the most politically charged track of the year, "Georgia Bush," almost by accident. He was so good this year that he gets caught in a lie about his age and a picture surfaces of him mouth-kissing his "Daddy" and the entire hip-hop community decides to give him a pass. Is he the Greatest Rapper Alive? It's no contest at this point.

Thug of the Year: Sasha Baron Cohen
Runner(s)-up: Al Gore, Alexander Litvinenko, Gianluigi Buffon/Fabio Cannavero, Lil' Wayne, Kobe Bryant, Vince Young, Zinedine Zidane, Hugo Chavez


As I look back on the 2K6, the one word that really comes to mind is default. Yes, music was better this year than last and Americans finally have begun to realize that the mafia running this country is only out for themselves, but for the most part, it seemed like everyone was kind of waiting around. For what, I don't know. But not too many people were taking chances and going for the gusto, as Raekwon might say. For proof look no further than Time magazine's person of the year. You. What the fuck? This world is sliding further and further into disrepair and the best they could come up with was fucking YouTube? It may already be too late.

That's just a long-winded way of saying, in a year of staggering mediocrity, Sasha Baron Cohen was a lone beacon of light. With assists from a disgustingly fat Eastern European dude, a town of pissed Romanians, and Pam Anderson, Cohen put a mirror up to America and, once you get past the naked man-wrestling and gypsy jokes, the results were incredibly depressing and sometimes scary. Still, Cohen trudged through the country with seemingly no fear. Sure, he had the monetary backing of a major media conglomerate, but he was on his own, living as Borat and going places and doing things that maybe nobody else in the world would have the courage to even think up. And he knew exactly what he was doing and exactly what the effect would be. It took an Orthodox Jewish comic from Britain playing a anti-Semitic journalist from Kazahkstan to step up and tell us how disgusting our society is. But at least somebody stepped up.

And he's banging this lovely lady:



Let's stop snitching in the 2K7. Aight?

Peace.